What To Do If Your Inner Voice Is Cruel 


One of the significant challenges we face as humans is dealing with “chatter.” We spend a large portion of our waking hours lost in thought, not living in the present moment.

During this time, we engage in self-talk, using our inner voice to reflect on our lives.

While this inner voice can be incredibly helpful, chatter represents its darker side, leading us down paths of rumination and worry.

What is Chatter?

When we turn our attention inward to solve our problems, we often don’t find solutions.

Instead, we end up ruminating, worrying, and catastrophizing, getting stuck in a negative cycle.

This remarkable tool, our inner voice, can become a curse rather than a blessing when it leads to incessant chatter.

The Evolutionary Purpose of the Inner Voice

Many scientists believe that language is a tool that helps us navigate the world.

Our ability to use language not only to communicate with others but also to communicate with ourselves provides a survival advantage.

It’s an incredible problem-solving device that has helped humans thrive.

Functions of the Inner Voice

  • Verbal Working Memory: At its most basic level, our inner voice helps keep verbal information active in our minds. This is part of what’s known as our verbal working memory system, essential for processing and retaining information.
  • Simulation and Planning: Our inner voice allows us to simulate and plan future events. For instance, before a big presentation, we might rehearse what we’ll say, anticipate questions from the audience, and plan our responses, all using our inner voice.
  • Self-Control: The inner voice helps us exert self-control. Think about the last time you resisted a late-night snack because you reminded yourself that you’d regret it in the morning. That’s your inner voice at work, helping you make better decisions.
  • Creating Narratives: Many of us use our inner voice to make sense of our experiences by creating narratives. This helps us understand who we are and shapes our identity by providing continuity and meaning to our life events.

The Downside of Chatter

While our inner voice can be incredibly helpful, it can also have significant negative effects:

  • Difficulty Focusing: Chatter consumes our attention, making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. This constant mental noise can be a major distraction.
  • Relationship Friction: When we’re preoccupied with our problems, we may talk about them incessantly, making us poor listeners and straining our relationships. This can lead to increased irritability and displaced aggression.
  • Negative Physical Health Effects: Chronic stress from persistent chatter can lead to severe physical health issues. Stress itself isn’t harmful; it’s the prolonged, chronic stress induced by continuous rumination that is toxic. This can contribute to cardiovascular disease, chronic inflammation, and even cancer.

Managing Chatter

The good news is that there are science-based tools to help us regain control of our inner voice. Here are a few strategies:


Creating order through rituals can give us a sense of control.

For example, tennis player Rafael Nadal uses a specific sequence of behaviors between points to manage his chatter.

He sips from one water bottle, then another, and places them back in their exact positions, creating a sense of order and control that helps calm his mind.

Finding What Works for You

There is no one-size-fits-all solution for managing chatter. Different tools work for different people.

The challenge is to find the unique combination of strategies that best helps you manage your inner voice.

This might include mindfulness practices, physical exercise, or engaging in hobbies that divert your mind from negative thought cycles.


    Experiencing chatter does not make you weak; it makes you human.

    By understanding and managing our inner voice, we can transform this powerful tool from a source of stress into a source of strength.

    Welcome to the human condition, where learning to navigate our inner dialogue is a crucial part of our journey.